Recently I was struck by the realization that, while I get really excited for all sorts of local races (running, biking, orienteering, etc.) , I have come to dread the local ski races.  This is particularly odd considering that cross country skiing is, by far, my favorite sport.  

But it is also the sport in which I am most heavily invested.  For a good part of my adult life, my self-worth was directly tied to my ski race results.  And while I try to tell myself that is no longer the case, it is a hard habit to break.

When I do a cyclocross race, I can have fun no matter where I finish because I’m not trying to live up to some previous level of success.  Same thing with orienteering.  I know I’m not the best, but I do it because it is a challenge and it is fun.  Skiing is different because I do expect to be the best.  And I am not.  Not even close anymore.  So it becomes a recipe for frustration every time I put on a bib.

So recently I’ve been trying to reset my mindset.  Just like the old SNL skit: Low-ered Ex-pec-TA-tions.  I’ve been trying to tell myself that my results have slipped far enough that I no longer have anything to lose.  Instead of worrying about getting beaten by my buddies, I can be freed by the fact that they usually beat me. They should be worried that I might beat them!  I am no longer the professional ski racer.  I am a dad and a desk jockey who is just trying to stay in shape.

With that frame of mind, I had a great time today. I skied in the second pack, just out of sight of the leaders for most of the race.  The pace was a bit on the easy side, so I led the pack for a lot of the race.  I just didn’t have the speed to break away.  I finished 7th and managed to beat a few guys I haven’t beaten in years.  For the first time this century, I think my results might actually be on an upswing!  And most importantly, it gave me renewed confidence for my upcoming showdown with Rob.  He didn’t race, so we still have yet to go head-to-head.  But after my result today and a good interval session I had on Thursday, I feel pretty good about my chances.

Anchorage Cup Beach Lake Freestyle Flyer Results